Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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