god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
