I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
