I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
