my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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