When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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