Pants 0. Shit 1.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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