If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
it's like iHOP with fire
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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