Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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