Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
