Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
FUCK WHALES
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