you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
