So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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