The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I think a kid would responsible me up
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
