You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
