true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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