she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
