At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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