Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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