For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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