I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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