remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
