I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
