he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
