dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
