there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
