I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
