I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
