I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
