you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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