matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he thought i was a dude.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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