How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
