I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
