idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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