I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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