clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
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