Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
