In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
