i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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