I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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