so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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