I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
