i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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