listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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