im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
