Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
