I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Floor bacon is actually really good
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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