I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
we're making bets on your personal life
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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