You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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