Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
