make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
