if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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