I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
