I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
