This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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