i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
