M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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