She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
