when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
