i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
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I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
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Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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