To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
