It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
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So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
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You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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