A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
