I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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