the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
