five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
