im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
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I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
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Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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