At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
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because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
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Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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