you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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